Why Am I So Restless?
Good question!!
Here it is, about 6:15 in the morning. I've been awake since 5:30 a.m. I had the CD alarm clock set to wake me up to the sounds of track 1 of "Led Zeppelin III" (that would be "Immigrant Song", folks), but I have been tossing and turning all night long. I could not get comfortable to save my life. I could not turn off my body to get some sleep. I think I may have some reasons why:
1. JLo made Mexican food last night. She made tortillas from scratch, and I had some chicken burritos as well as some chips & rotel, as well as a couple of beers. I love JLo's cooking - she can really cook - but Mexican food, for all that I love, does a number on my stomach. I took two Tums at about 1:30 in the morning, but I still couldn't get rid of the pain. And I really haven't got time for the pain (apologies to Carly Simon).
2. My store has a sanitation audit this coming Friday. We're looking pretty good, but I want my store to be dead-letter perfect come Friday morning. The audit was supposed to be Thursday, but my district manager postponed it for one day. I was afraid that I would have to work on Friday (I'm supposed to be off), but my boss told me to continue to work my schedule as planned. That's one good thing. But I will have a full plate ahead of me these next two days.
3. A store manager position has come open in Morrilton, Arkansas. I'm seriously thinking about putting my name in the hat for that store. I need to do some further research before putting my name in the hat for that job. I am also hearing rumors that the store manager in Batesville will soon be retiring, and that the store manager in Newport may be re-located to the Batesville store. If the store manager position for Newport becomes open, I will definitely put my name in the hat for that job. I lived in Newport for 5 years and still know a lot of the people that live in that town. That store has definite potential, mainly because they have no real competition, and also because the Wal-Mart that is in Newport is NOT A SUPERCENTER!!
Alas, if I put my name in the hat, and my name gets called, there is a serious problem that I will have to consider: what will happen between JLo and I? Will she be keen enough to leave her parents to be with me? Will the distance between us have some serious repercussions? Everyone that has known me for a long time knows that I don't do long-distance relationships. I have had a terrible history of long distance relationships. They just never seem to work with me. Some of the greatest ladies I have been with, from Candy in Wisconsin to Janet in Hoxie (Talmadge, I'm sure you remember her) to Dana in Conway - all long distance, all ended the same way. The distance thing again.
I know that, for quite a while, Talmadge and Seraphim had a long distance relationship. They have now been married six glorious years (Happy Anniversary, by the way!). And they are just as crazy about each other now as they were the first time I saw them together (I think it was in 1999 - I've known Talmadge for almost 21 years now - do you think our friendship can buy liquor now? Legally?).
I guess that if I really want to be with JLo, I will have to do whatever it takes. Even if it means long trips on off-days.
But I guess that the main reason I am so restless is that I am already having Spring Fever, even though it is nearing the end of January. There is this feeling I get from time to time that I want to completely change myself and my surroundings. But to What?? Sometimes I get this feeling that I want to sell my house, sell everything but the music (gotta have my music), pack it all up and just... go. Where would I go? Sometimes I have this feeling that I want to leave and leave no forwarding address (well, except for the Gleck clan and to Nettiemac). Completely start over.
Unfortunately, there are such matters as a house payment, a car payment, bills, and a debt to pay off, so I can't leave the Real World just yet.
Before I end this post, I must send a shout out to my father's second cousin, a man by the name of Bill Ritter. He just recently became governor of Colorado, and my father is supposed to send me pictures of the inauguration and of the ball. Congrats, Gov. Ritter!! Can we get you to run against Hillary? Just kidding!
Until next time - take care.
--Bolivar "Sleeping don't come very easy in a straight white vest" Shagnasty
posted by bolivar @ 6:09 AM
2 Comments:
"Free, free, set them free...."-Sting, 1985
Seraphim and I were discussing your post over a nice, yet resolution-torpedo'ing meal at Golden Corral.
Here follow my thoughts, undiluted and unfiltered as a now-"legal" friendship can certainly take:
1) Your "pack it up all and just go" comment, over a year later, sounds much more logical and less 'rash' than it would've been this time last year.
2) Bolivar, you're truly at a crossroads. And it isn't 61 & 49 in Mississippi.
3) A Kroger management gig just might be what the doctor ordered. (I'm not a real doctor, but I slept in a bed next to Seraphim last night). It's time to grab the golden ring, and get your own store. Shoot the works, or MAINLINE as we call it on Let's Make a Dope Deal.
4) You must get out of Hot Springs, Arkansas. You really need to put that house on the market, sell and go elsewhere -- whether that elsewhere be Morrilton (could do much worse), Newport (depressing as hell, one big flashing LIQUOR sign, but there's always the Detroiter for a place to lay your head 'till you find a house -- plus, as you said, you have friends there. Instant support system, which more than outweighs that poor city's economic blight).
5) Did I mention "get the hell out of Hot Springs"? Seriously. There's so much there reminding you of your old life. You have a new life. I know from experience, as I would watch the walls of my bedroom in Troy, post divorce, close in on me. Complete with godawful grape 'n' vine stencil pattern Josiebelle did. You need new surroundings. What part of "new" don't you understand, buddy?
6) Ah, but there's a small rub: part of said "new life" is a certain (wonderful) young lady named JLo. The one element that complicates the mix.
7) See item #2 ("Crossroads"). You and JLo are kind of at a point where you're no doubt thinking "Okay, is this short term, or does this have the potential to be something that could lead to long-term?"
8) Does JLo leave her family and come with you? That's a choice only she can make. She's at the crossroads with you. Talk amongst yourselves. I'm gonna go cry over Barbra Streisand's picture.
9) White album: Disc 2, Track 12.
10) It took me four (4) hours to drive from Jone'burr to Rot Springs 'back in the day' - when you couldn't pick up a four-lane US-67 until Russell, Ark., and driving 70 would risk a ticket. Today, you'd probably be able to make Newport to the Spa City in, ohhhh, 2-1/2 hours.
Not much longer than Troy to Columbus, and all four-lane (mostly interstate-grade).
11) Your track record with long distance relationships, as I know (ahhhhh, the first Janet.....), has been less-than-stellar. LDRs have more going against 'em than for 'em. The odds are steep. But are they impossible? No. Only you and JLo can make the decision of whether to try an LDR out before she either feels comfortable with going, or is able to find a job in your area (Newport = good luck!).
12) Sorry, but the twelfth item has been deleted due to budget cuts.
13) As you yourself said, look no further than Seraphim and myself for an LDR success story. We did it for nearly 2-1/2 years (1998-2000). It takes a lot of trust, a LOT of faith, a lot of trust, a good long distance calling plan, a lot of trust, good vehicles, a lot of trust, equality of sacrifice (read: you both drive to see one another), a lot of trust, impromptu mid-week evening rendezvouses (rendezvi?) in, say, NLR. Oh, did I mention a lot of trust?
14) And, btw, you first met Seraphim in September 1998. Oh, and yes, I'm crazy about my bride. I even love her, too. I think I'll keep her. *pauses to take swig of Geritol*
15) Seeing the snapshot in time of you and JLo almost a year ago while we were over there, I would say you two have potential and she's worth holding on to.
16) See the song lyric at the top of this longer-than-a-Nettiemac-conversation (love ya, heh heh heh) comment post. I don't mean let her go -- if you move to a new place, and she comes to be with you, jackpot! If it doesn't work out, then you two had a sweet time on each other's life highways, and there'll be someone special down the pike for both of you.
17) Get out of Hot Springs, my friend. The real world awaits. And hopefully JLo will be at your side. She (and her family) carry the Talmadge Seal (arf! arf!) of Approval.
18) No Mexican for you tonight, young man. Bland food, so you can sleep tonight.
19) Pleasant dreams.
--Talmadge "You're STILL not getting that damned album!" Gleck
I hate nights like that -- when a thousand thoughts race around the brain and none of them coalesce into anything worth keeping.
Days like that suck too.
Whatever happens, you have my best wishes, good thoughts, and prayers.
HANG IN THERE! Sleep well tonight!
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