Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes fi - wait a second!!

(With apologies to the late Tammy Wynette...)

I went to my lawyer's office yesterday to look at and sign the papers that my soon-to-be-ex-wife hand delivered to my lawyer's office. Everything looked good; everything looked legit. I saw the list of personal items that the ex wanted - I'm still upset that she wants the map of the world that we have framed on the wall, but that's fine. If she wants it bad enough, she can have it - I can always get another one.

I am also a little upset at the fact that I should have to pay my attorney's fees, since the ex got me into this mess (hey, I wasn't the one who was unfaithful & had two kids by another man), but the ex says I get to keep the house & my 401k plan intact. If I can keep those two items, I'll pay my attorney.

However, a glitch occurred when I read the papers yesterday. Nothing - and I mean nothing - was mentioned about my 401k in the paperwork. My lawyer also noticed this, & I told my lawyer that I refuse to sign the papers until info about my 401k is added. Everything else looked good, & I could have easily signed the papers, but I do not like surprises. My ex is just the type of person who would come out later & say that she wants a part of my 401k.

A lesson for anyone that ever has to go through this (and I hope you never do): DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING.

The ex calls me at work about 4 p.m., & she is very upset. I told her no problem - just get her attorney to add the page on Monday. She then told me that we should have been divorced today, that she hoped we could have been divorced today. She also told me that her parents are coming to town next weekend, & she was hoping to marry a guy who shall, in my eyes, be forever known as the Ultimate Hot Springs Redneck (UHSR). She wanted her parents to be in attendance for the wedding (they'll be the only ones there). And now they will have to wait a little longer. I said, in my best imitative New York voice, "Gee, kid, you're breaking my heart."

It may be crazy, but I told my ex that I wanted to cover all the bases & leave no stone unturned. That's why I didn't sign the papers yesterday. I also know that when I do sign the papers, that's it - it's all over. I can't wait for it to be over, but there will always be that thought of "what might have been..."

What hurts me the most is that I did nothing wrong. If I had beat my wife, if I had put her down every day, if I was the one who was having an affair, I would say to myself that I deserve everything that I am getting now. What I will be accused of, by my family & my closest friends, is trying to make the marriage work. I will be accused of being loyal, faithful, & devoted to my soon-to-be-ex-wife. Anyone who says different, including my ex & her family, just doesn't know the facts.

My ex says she hates talking to me now because it seems that I am always in a bad mood. Let's get one thing straight, my soon-to-be-ex: moods have nothing to do with it. At one time, you were the best friend I ever had. I would have went through every circle of hell & back again with you. I was lucky - I felt that I had married my best friend. So, at one time, you were my best friend - now, you are my worst enemy. You have to deal with that title & everything that goes with it. Basically, what it boils down to is that I can care less about you. I'm looking out for good ol' Bolivar now.

As far as their wedding, whenever it is, instead of marching down the aisle to the typical wedding song, I have the perfect song they should march down to. I think it also describes their future together: "Hell Awaits" by Slayer from 1984. Good luck, guys.

Anyway, for whoever reads this junk, I need some input. I am putting together a compilation CD together. I am calling it the BDM - Bolivar's Divorce Mix. Here are the songs I have on my list so far:
1. "Jailbreak" - Thin Lizzy (a lot of history behind this one - ask Tal)
2. "Free Bird" - Lynyrd Skynyrd (my father's favorite song)
3. "I'm Free" - The Who
4. "Freedom" - Jimi Hendrix
5. "Back in the High Life" - Steve Winwood
6. "Key to the Highway" - Derek & the Dominoes
7. "Fly Like an Eagle" - Steve Miller Band
8. "Love Stinks" - J. Geils Band
9. "Your Time is Gonna Come" - Led Zeppelin

Can you sense a theme here? I would love some more input on this.

Gotta go - work calls. Bolivar Shagnasty... good day!